Manual № 81 · Recurring conflict in a couple

The Same Fight

The manual for recurring conflict in a couple.

It is rarely about the dishes. It is about the loop you both keep getting caught in.

12 modules · for both partners in a relationship that keeps having the same argument, working together or one of you alone

  1. 01It Is Not About the Dishes
  2. 02When Couples Work Is the Wrong Tool
  3. 03The Loop You Are Both In
  4. 04Under the Reaction
  5. 05The Story About Why
  6. 06Solvable, or Something You Live With
  1. 07The Fight as an It
  2. 08Starting Gently
  3. 09Listening Until They Feel Understood
  4. 10Flooding, and the Time-Out That Comes Back
  5. 11Repair, in the Middle and Afterward
  6. 12Your Fight, Worked Through, and Kept

Two editions

The manual, or the manual and the toolkit.

Standard edition

$39

The full program: all 12 modules, with the exercises, logs, and checklists that save as you go. Everything you need to do the work.

Elite edition · most complete

$69

Everything in Standard, plus The Toolkit, 14 techniques drawn from across the evidence base, each labeled with where it comes from and how good the support actually is, to use alongside this program rather than instead of it. With original diagrams throughout.

Start with Standard if you would rather. You can upgrade to Elite at any time for the $30 difference, and nothing you have written is lost. And once you own one manual, every other one is 20% off.

Inside The Toolkit

  1. 01Draw the Loop
  2. 02The Feeling Under the Feeling
  3. 03Three Other Explanations
  4. 04Holding the Thought Lightly
  5. 05Asking Clearly
  6. 06The Floor
  7. 07Validation Without Agreement
  1. 08Coming Down
  2. 09Repairs Agreed in Advance
  3. 10Solving the Solvable
  4. 11The Other Side of the Same Trait
  5. 12When It Went Better
  6. 13Deliberate Kindness
  7. 14What Am I Doing, and Is It Working?

Close to this one

Educational content, not therapy, diagnosis, or treatment, and not a substitute for a clinician when one is needed. Every manual opens with a safety page. If you are thinking about suicide, call or text 988 now.